Tuesday, 11 November 2014

Our first two week wait

This post was written at the beginning of September and follows on from our previous post "The post we might never publish".

"29th August 2014
And so begins our first ever two week wait. The term coined to represent the time following ovulation and prior to finding out if you are pregnant, or not. Insemination took place 40 and 24 hours ago, so who knows, I might already be pregnant. Do I think I am? A niggly little part of me thinks I am, but I think that it really is wishful thinking, and so no, I don't think I am. Time will tell. Two weeks, to be exact.

I wanted to document how I feel throughout our two week wait, and anything that does or does not happen to me, so that in future cycles, if that's the way it needs to go, we can look back and remember. 

1dpo - Friday. I think I ovulated yesterday, so today I am 1 day post ovulation, hence the shortened version of 1dpo. Ever since we did the second 'try' I have felt this weird sensation in my right lower tummy (the side I ovulated from). I can't say it's painful, more that I can just notice that it's there. It's like a pulling / pinching sensation not too far above my pubic bone, to the left. All day I have just suddenly become aware that it is still there. I wonder what's going on in there, I can't say I've ever really felt that sensation before. I peed on an ovulation stick this morning, just to see if in fact it was just ovulation pain, and the test was negative, meaning the big egg release has already happened.

2dpo - Wow my pelvis is aching today, it's a really odd sensation, like someone has loosened the screws holding me together and everything just feels…sore. I know, a weird analogy, but that's how it feels. The stretchy, pully, achey feeling on my right continues - what is going on in there?

3dpo - Today I really thought, nope, not pregnant. I don't know why. That was until I was walking round Sainsburys and had the most intense period of nausea ever. Weird. Presumably it can't be pregnancy related at this stage? Although from my reading I think that a fertilised egg produces progesterone in droves, so maybe…just maybe…I am reacting to that, or maybe it is entirely unrelated and not at all to do with this, and had it happened any other month then I'd think nothing of it. But it was so strong I had to go and sit in the car and breathe deeply until it started to fade. Hmm.

4dpo - Is this all in my head? I don't know, but the speculation continues to be far more exciting than stressful. Sarah and I have tried to enjoy every stage of our baby making journey, and not let ourselves get too caught up in stress, as what will be will be. Our baby will be conceived when it is meant to be conceived, and it will be born when it is meant to be born. We are strong believers in this. Symptoms wise I can't lie when there has been times today that I have thought that I could be nothing but pregnant! Sore boobs, lots of cramping in my lower abdomen, a strong aversion to anything sweet, and a strong desire to eat nothing but sandwiches. I know! Sandwiches! Also a raging thirst and feeling tired but that's nothing unusual for me, I always have both, regardless of time of month!

5dpo -  A really funny thing happened to me today, Sarah and I had an appointment to see the Consultant to discuss IVF. I was signed off as ready to start treatment, and now we just need to sort out logistics like donor sperm and whether or not I am going to egg share. But we were sat there, with this really lovely Doctor chatting away about IVF, and I completely zoned out and thought to myself "Why are we here? We don't need IVF. I'm pregnant". The fact that it wasn't a conscious thought process really surprised me, and I am now speculating whether or not my brain / subconscious could know, this early on. Symptoms wise they are identical to yesterday, but stronger…boobs are more sore (this is very unusual for me hence why it is very noticeable), achey pelvis continues, and wanting to eat nothing but sandwiches lol. I keep coming back to the same thought process - does this happen every month to me and I don't notice it because we aren't trying for a baby? The sore boobs don't, that's for sure, and I am normally a lover of sweet over savoury so it's odd that that has switched. But the rest? I don't know….we can analyse until the cows come home but ultimately there is at least another week until we could even consider testing, so that's that!

6dpo - Ugh, what a day. I woke up tired. I spent all day being tired and I came home…tired. And now it's 8pm and I am forcing myself to stay up and watch the Great British Bake Off before I go to bed. Tired. Also, brain not working - went to book a woman for home birth and couldn't get my words out. Just kept thinking…tired. Ate sandwiches for lunch and plain rice and naan for tea. Tired. Foggy. Weird.

7dpo - I hardly slept last night despite being, well, tired! Thirst in overdrive today and boobs…wow…hard and sore. Also, realised that its not JUST sandwiches I want to eat…it's very very plain food. Bread, plain pasta, plain boiled rice, ready salted crisps, the plain as plain can be. Carbs, plain carbs. I turned down cake at work, not like me! I've really gone off sweet stuff, the odd bit I do have makes me feel sick. Also…something else happened today…I had a bit of spotting. About 10 tiny drops of fresh red blood on wiping. Could it be?? Maybe?! Implantation?? Maybe not…but the more these weird symptoms continue I feel like I would be surprised if we get a 'not pregnant' come up next week. Not sad…what is meant to be is meant to be…but yes, surprised. I almost want to say I feel… pregnant!

8dpo - I am exhausted but struggling to sleep. I had the most intense period of nausea last night that I then woke up to this morning, and vomited a little after my morning cup of tea (pleasant!). I met up with my friends from work for lunch and scoured the menu for the plainest of plain foods, and plumped for a bowl of veggie soup and plain wholemeal bread. The olives and houmous they brought out for starters made me want to vom despite them being two of my favourite foods, so I sipped my peppermint tea and made sure I didn't look at my best friend who I suspect is adding all of this together and wondering….!

9dpo - Wow, intense day of feeling 'how can I not be?', but I might not be, and the not knowing made me quite emotional tonight. I'm emotional anyway…I have cried at least once a day over the silliest of things for about a week, and balled my eyes out at the programme about Battersea Dogs Home; they just all deserve a new home SO much! Had to go shopping for a new bra as my normal ones just hurt my sore boobs too much, and walking round town I was really snappy with my wife and kept apologising even though I knew I was doing it and couldn't help it. Ugh, emotions! I swear if I keep eating sandwiches I'm going to turn in to one soon. That or very plain pasta, and gallons and gallons of either peppermint tea or water. I'm not even in to tea all that much anymore. And wow, the tiredness! I got up late, had an afternoon nap and was still ready for bed at 9pm!

10dpo - It's 4am, I'm wide awake and yet feel exhausted. It's been a common theme these past couple of days. Also, I'm starving yet feel incredibly nauseous. But I decided it may be because I'm starving that I feel so nauseous so have come downstairs for a cup of ginger tea and some toast. Boobs sore. Really sore. We have decided to do an early test tomorrow, 3 days before my period is due, just to see if it throws up anything, because either this is all in my head, or my body is playing some nasty tricks on us, or, I'm up the duff!

11dpo - Pregnancy test taken. Negative. Woah. We weren't anticipating that, which is crazy because we knew this had a 15 - 20% success rate, and we would be ridiculously lucky to be in that tiny minority, but we really really were certain I am pregnant. I just feel so odd. My poor boobs are so sore, so swollen, and look (and feel, my wife says!) so different. The nausea continues, not constantly, but ebbs and flows throughout the day, and the thought of anything sweet really does make me feel sick. Have eaten many more sandwiches! Today has been really hard emotionally, and physically too, cos I'm just so tired. I'm tired from the moment I wake up! And I've kinda got to the point of being fed up of feeling SO crap, all day long, and if I'm not pregnant, then why do I feel so rubbish?! It's playing on my mind. But today is Monday and my period is due on Thursday so we will know by then at the very latest.

12dpo - Another difficult day, emotionally and physically. Same physical symptoms as yesterday (oww boobs, ugh sickness, yawn tiredness), but even more emotional craziness... I have now cried at least six times today, both happy and not so, on everyone from my wife, best friend to boss! A woman who works in my team gave me a card thanking me for being the best manager she has ever had, cue more tears! Seriously, hormone overload! I slept for three hours this afternoon and woke up feeling slightly better. Deep breathe! Let's see what tomorrow brings….

13dpo - POSITIVE! We got a positive test! The symptoms don't lie, I knew it, from almost the day we did the insemination I knew I felt different. Wow. A positive test. Now hang in there little bean, your mummies want you SO much, hang in there for us…

(unfortunately after a wonderful couple of days being absolutely over the moon about our very positive pregnancy test, but still being very cautious as it was such early days, my period arrived with full force, a day later than it was due and two days after our positive test. This cycle was not meant to be…)

2 comments:

  1. Aww Girls... With every single days read I was getting more & more excited for you both... Thinking come on these girls need a bit of good luck their way on the baby making side....
    We all know it will happen when it happens & all this crap you're going through will just make you stronger & savour every moment much more when it does happen. Fingers, toes, legs, arms, & eyes crossed for you both. Stay positive.

    All my love

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks Chloe, we are definitely staying positive and trusting fate :)
    S xx

    ReplyDelete

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